1. Bad teeth
2. Freckles
3. Chubby
4. Dual look
5. Boring ugly hair
6. I love the pale look, but not with freckles so i drown myself in tan and then i end up looking like an orange monster, which aint good.
7. My confiendence
8. My whole look, im so ugly my boy needs to look at EVERY chick
9. My eye colour doesnt suit me
10. My clothes are sooo boring and the same outfit over and over
11. My boobs are tiny tiny =[

How many did you get? i got 11.

So now here's the fun bit, make yourself a list if how you can fix each one, most things will take about 8 to 12 weeks, which might sound like ages BUT in 8 weeks when you look the same you will be thinking "hey if i followed that, i would have what i wanted by now", i always do that when i dont have the will power and then i look back and think, fuck if i done it i could have already had it by now, i've wasted 2 years of my life over that stuff because i didnt want to save or i kept putting stuff off that seemed soooo hard, more like LAZYNESS.

Okay well heres my list of how i can change the above

What i'm going to do and use

1. For the freckles on my face i brought myself Dermabrite by skin docotor, it was only $40 and i use it 2 times a day after cleansing and tonning - this takea an average of 8 weeks to work, results should be seen after about 3 weeks though.
2. For the freckles on my shoulders and chest and arms i got Fade Away by skin doctors which was also $40, i use that 2 times a day after a my morning and night shower same as the face cream - this should take about the same amount of time as the above, as its a similar product, ones just specially made for the sensitiveness of the face.
3. I brought myself skin doctors perfect pout lip plumper serum which was also around $40 - this gives you instant plumped up rosie lips "i wish it could make them longer =["
4. For a natural looking non orange tan i brough myself Jungle Bronze tanning spray which was about $40
5. For my un-even skin tone areas i got the eventone lightening cream and moistiser by john plunkett, thats was only $17, a bargin and i saw results first application - this takea around 8 to 10 weeks like most, about 3 to 4 before you see results.
6. To keep the sun away from me so i dont recieve more freckles i use Banana boat spf 30+ sunscreen, i dont know the price as i took it off my mum =P, pretty cheap im sure. I apply this once all of my creams are dry every morning, and if sunny and im out, re apply every 2 hours.
7. I cant do much about my teeth at the moment as im not rich and work is fucking me around so they will have to wait, but once i do save up im going to get cosmetic dentisrty.
8. For my dual hair look im gettin it layed on friday and i wanted it multi-coloured blond on top and black or brown on bottom, but since i have stained it with black hair dye way to many times, i have to get the dye stripped out of my hair. this cost $50 per eraser application at your local hairdresser - as many can be done, it doesnt harm your hair. For black hair it will take about 5 earaser treatments and then foils and a tone, so you could spread that out in a month, or longer if you dont have the cash.
9. For my boring brown contacts, there going in the bin and i want to get triple coloured ocean blue contacts, they look so cool and sparkling.
10. To finshi off the process im going to get a pretty french manicure and mums taken me clothes shopping for my birthday =].

I wake up 5am every morning to do either my pilaties or yoga. I do 40 sit ups, 40 stomach crunchers, 20 push ups =/, 40 star jumps a night and also the trampoline and mini weights when i feel like it, those two aint that important.

The world is what you make it, you can be and look however you wish these days, long as your patient and willing too, and you dont give up if one program doesnt work. Not all lotions and cosmetics work for everyone, everyone has different skin which obsorbs and reacts differently.

If these freckle things dont work, i shall save up for laser, i got brouchers on them last week at my local laser clinic, its only around $400 and you go for about 6 treatments so thats only like $1000-$2000, anyone can save that in a year.

To transform my INNER self i read White eagles - The Quiet Mind which is like a bible, just tranformed into things to help you in everyday life. I also read my bible that luke gave me and self help sites.

Me and my mum are starting meditation soon, we finally got the brouchers today after a week of waiting, so now we just gotta pick our classes and stuff.

Mum has written me up a poster that i have to repeat 4 times to make myself believe that i am a kind hearted person and beautiful so that i can shine and get over all the hate i hold onto and reach out to my guardian angel.

It's hard haven no one, i know that for a fact, all i have is luke and i cant even email him, let alone anything else. I dont know how long till he's gonna be back in my arms again =[ and i have no friends, maybe because i am in hate and self pitty or whatever, which is something i am working on now. All i do is lay in bed and cry and think about luke 24/7 like an obsessed ex, and its hard to get out of bed, but you gotta motivate yourself or your life will never get better.

And as the saying goes, if you want something GO FOR IT, dont let your silly head get in the way, if you like that guy who cares what people say, if you want that crazy hair do, then do it.

Love is light, light is life. Forgive all as you wish to be forgiven, and dont let the ones you love go over something silly. Fights can hurt, but losen someone forever hurts twice as much and its only silly. There's always more good then bad, people just tend to forget the good and focus on those bad times more.

I know what i want, and thats luke and i will wait for him, until the day he either comes back or brakes my heart and says its not gonna work or he found someone new. But hopefully after all of this, i will be strong enough to handle whatever it is, and atleast forever have him as a friend, unless he doesnt want anything from me and then thats his choice, i will forever wait for him as i wish to make him my prince and marry him.

Go make yourself happy and go and write your list now.

I started my program on the 26th September 2005, i shall finshi on the 5th of December.

If you find your way to this luke.

........ I love you so much and miss you like crazy, PLEASE come back soon baby, PLEASEEEEE, i need you =[. we did have more good then bad times, think of the times at the beach and watching the stars and cuddlen up to each other, all of our little tickling wrestles and pillow fights we had ages ago, candle light dinners and maken dinner for each other, holding each other close and rubbing our noses together. yes we had some bad, and im sorry for all of the bad, i am working on it all for you now, i know i have fucked up as you have, and i can forgive you for it all, so do the same back in return, you proposed to me, were ment to be together, that shit isnt just a joke, its important, your important. I hope you relize that sooner or later :( hopefully before im old and dead or before we forget who each other are.

Your all i want, i want you to be there on my birthday and give me my birthday kiss, i want to be there with you at christmas time and i want to kiss for a whole year on new years and start 2006 together, and make it to a year and 2 years and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6 ect. i want to have little luke's and mel's with you. ........

Okay well i turned the end bit into a total different subject =[ i miss him though, im sure he wont even see this anyway, how can he when im on block and delete.

-crys, why cant i just have him by my sideeee. how much more do i have to begg and pray till there answered and till i can see him again and hold him again, how many more till he relizes that we need each other and under all the fault were ment to be and we can work through this like mature people.

Well sorry about spelling errors, its gettin late and yeah i was never a smart one.

Peace everyone. Be safe and follow your hearts not your heads.